What A Martini Is

The addled rantings of a gin drinker

Noted American author Bernard De Voto called the Martini "the supreme American gift to world culture." Humorist E.B. White thought it the "elixir of quietude" and drank Martinis "the way other take aspirin." Johnny Carson defined happiness as "finding two olives in your Martini when you're hungry." And James Thurber observed "One is all right, two is too many, and three is not enough."

The Martini. A cocktail above all others in American culture and folklore. (Do you ever hear tales of "three-daiquiri lunches?") It is, in it's simplest form, gin and dry vermouth garnished with an olive, or perhaps a lemon twist.

If you are in a bar and say "I'd like a Martini," the bartender should default to this traditional recipe. The amount of vermouth may vary from none ("bone dry") to as much as 1 part vermouth to 2 parts gin ("wet"), but these are the only two ingredients that are allowed into the shaker along with the ice. (If you order the "House Special Sassy-Sour Top-Shelf Hoopty-Woop Martini,"well, all bets are off. Be careful, it might come with enough fruit to fill Carmen Miranda's headdress.)

A Martini does not have vodka in it. If you want a Martini made with vodka instead of gin, you should order a Vodka Martini. How many times have I said "I'd like a Martini," only to be asked "Vodka or Gin?" More than I care to remember.

Sigh. What did I order? If I wanted vodka, I would have ordered (everybody all at once now) a Vodka Martini.