November 2004 Archives

Not jumping to conclusions.

This afternoon we took the kids to see The Incredibles. At one point in the movie, Mrs. Incredible is going off to look for Mr. Incredible, leaving the two kids alone. She tells them she'll be back soon.

At this point, Cameron leans over to me and whispers urgently "She's coming back in a body bag!"

What?

My mind started spinning. I mean, for starters, how does this kid know what a body bag is? What kind of weird "Iraqi National Guard vs. The Insurgents" games are they playing on the playground at school?

Trying to stay calm, I asked "What did you just say?"

"Dad, I gotta go to the potty bad!"

Oh.

Being able to keep a straight face.

Last night Cameron found himself in a bit of a spot. He was due for some consequences, and Katy gave him a choice: He could either forego reading books at bedtime or sit with a bar of soap in his mouth for a minute, a la Ralphie in A Christmas Story.

Much to our surprise, he picked the soap. It was quite the picture.

I somehow managed to move slowly out of sight before jamming my fist in my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

Yes, those are tooth marks in the bar of soap.

Last Tuesday I had some dental work done. Apparently I am an aggressive brusher, and over time this has abraded some of my teeth along the gumline to the point that they needed some bonding.

The fillings/bondings/whatever seemed to be doing fine until this weekend, when it started to feel like I had a popcorn husk stuck up in my gums. I decided to give it a few days to see if it improved before I called the dentist.

But last night I got a call - at home, on a Sunday evening no less - from my dentist! Not the dentist's office, not the technician - The Dentist. He wanted to check in and see how my teeth were feeling. I described my condition and he encouraged me to swing by his office so he could take a look.

I was blown away. I had been considering looking for a dentist that was closer to home, but now it's going to take fairly extreme circumstances to get me to go to another dentist.

Bottom line: If you are looking for a dentist in the Burbank area, I highly recommend George Pacal, DDS.

Thanksgiving is next week, and all the grocery stores are cranking up their "free turkey" promotions. When I see these ads I can't help but think of the famous Turkey Drop episode of the classic sitcom "WKRP in Cincinnati"

Les Nessman Reporting

All that's missing from that clip is the followup from the station manager:

I thought...

Enjoy!

Mike seems to be fond of the haiku these days. His numerous postings reminded me of a prank we pulled on my buddy Joel when he got married.

See, Joel foolishly left us the keys to his house when he went on his honeymoon. Dean and I knew this was going to happen and spent months discussing various pranks we could pull on the newlyweds. We weren't left with much after we dismissed the logistically impossible ones, the dangerous ones, and the just plain mean ones, but we did come up with something.

We got everybody in the groom's party to pitch in some cash and went to the grocery store and bought canned food. We bought a few cans of normal stuff - beans, tomatoes, and the like - but the majority were picked off the shelves of the "Is this really for human consumption?" aisle. Strange seafood, parts of mammals you would think were exclusively reserved for hot dogs - that kind of thing. For good measure we threw in a can of cat food and a can of dog food.

When we got back to Joel's, we carefully removed the labels and stacked the cans in his pantry. We paperclipped the labels together and left them on the kitchen table.

But what does this have to do with haiku? To explain the unorthodox stocking of the Decker's new pantry, we left these poems:

I prepared dinner
Alas, one mouth ate it all
Garbage disposal

What could be better
To trigger the gag reflex
Than this random muck

If I made a stew
Blindfolded in the darkness
It would look like this

After that dinner
"Gastrointestinal" does
Depict my distress

A mantra chanted
Endlessly in the kitchen
"People eat this crap?"

O silver vessel
Unknown mysteries within
Will you show yourself?

If a gardener
Took randomness to extreme
Would his plot look thus?

Oh, luck of the draw
select something edible
no more pig snouts, please

My can opener
used to provide tasty food...
Apprehension mounts

Oh Ravioli!
How you brought me so much joy
You still elude me

Eating out lately
so I can identify
what my fork has pierced

Of course, Dean and I found this hilarious. I doubt that the Deckers were quite as amused. (Philistines.)

The other day Claire gave me this note when I walked in the door from the office:

For those of you who don't speak "Five," it says "I have been missing you daddy so much when you were at work."

I guess we're just going to have to live off the fat of the land. Frankly, I can't take that kind of pressure.

When you tell people you are going to run a half marathon, you get one of a handful of responses. "Are you nuts?" is by far the most common.

It all started four months ago, when Mister P traipsed into my office with a half marathon training plan. He didn't think it looked too bad. I said "Are you nuts?"

But then I started thinking about it. Hmm. Always dangerous.

And then all of a sudden I was the one trying to talk him into it. I succeeded and we both started stretching our long runs to prep for today's race.

Everything was looking good until two weeks ago. Mister P strained his Achilles tendon. And so I was left to run without him today.

Katy and the kids were at the finish line to cheer me in - these pictures will give you an idea what I look like when I'm about to fall over from physical exhaustion:

Since we live in a results-oriented society, I will share today's time: 1 hour, 53 minutes, 30 seconds.

In case you hadn't noticed, tomorrow is Election Day here in the good old U.S.A. I know there are many who feel that this simple act is a waste of time. A quote from Mahatma Ghandi comes to mind:

Whatever you do may seem insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.

So vote. Insignificant? Yep. Important? Yep. Do it.